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The following blog post is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, events, and incidents are the products of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental. The views and opinions expressed in this post are for comedic and entertainment purposes only and do not reflect the actual positions of any individuals or companies mentioned.
No real-life CEOs were harmed in the making of this post.
Gather around, fellow WordPressers, and let me tell you a tale. A tale of confusion, of hurt feelings, of misunderstanding. It all started one fateful day when Matt Mullenweg’s mom couldn’t tell the difference between WordPress.com and WP Engine. That’s right, folks. It wasn’t a question of legal disputes, or contribution to open-source communities, or even (God forbid) a tragic misuse of the “WordPress” trademark. No, the root of it all? Mom got confused.
Act 1: The Origins of Chaos
Picture this: Matt Mullenweg, the visionary behind WordPress, is home for the holidays. His mom, like many of us, has decided to start her own blog – probably to share her unbeatable recipe for apple pie, because let’s face it, who doesn’t want to read that? So she asks her tech-genius son for a little help. No big deal, right?
Well, wrong.
You see, dear reader, Matt’s mom got it in her head that she had a WordPress site. She had been hosting her blog with WP Engine, and while she was busy writing posts, she had never quite wrapped her head around the distinction between WordPress.com, where Automattic rules the roost, and WP Engine, which was hosting her little piece of the internet.
“Oh, Matthew,” she probably said, “I love my WordPress site! WP Engine is just wonderful for hosting it.”
Cue Matt Mullenweg’s blood pressure skyrocketing. “Mom,” he might have said (and I’m just imagining here, but stay with me), “WP Engine isn’t WordPress. We are WordPress.”
His mom, smiling kindly, replied, “Yes, of course, dear. But it’s the same thing, right?”
Oh boy.
Act 2: The Snowball Effect
Now, here’s where things start to snowball. Matt, like any good son who loves his mother and can’t stand to see her misinformed, may have explained that no, WP Engine is not the same as WordPress. WordPress.com is a service provided by his company, Automattic. WP Engine is just one of many third-party hosts that runs WordPress.org software.
Now, imagine his mom staring at him, blinking. “Matthew,” she says slowly, “it’s all the same to me.”
Boom. That was the moment. The moment Matt realized that this confusion wasn’t just plaguing his poor, innocent mother. No, this was everywhere. Every day, thousands of people were running around thinking that WP Engine was the same as WordPress. Matt wasn’t just battling WP Engine anymore, he was battling the forces of the entire internet misunderstanding his life’s work.
What’s a guy to do? Start a multi-stage conflict with one of the largest WordPress hosts on the planet, apparently.
Act 3: The Matt vs. WP Engine War Begins
With his mother’s confusion still fresh in his mind, Matt reportedly decided it was time to take action. And by “take action,” I mean initiate a feud that would reverberate through the WordPress community like a badly configured PHP error log.
It started innocently enough – a few choice words on his blog or at conferences. “WP Engine isn’t contributing back to the WordPress project as much as they should,” he said. “They’re a commercial entity benefiting from the WordPress ecosystem without giving back enough.”[1]
WP Engine, with its elegant hosting and slightly more corporate sheen, might have raised an eyebrow. “Hold up,” they probably thought. “We’re using the WordPress software to help run our business – isn’t that contribution enough? And haven’t we been pretty good at supporting developers?”
Matt, however, wasn’t having it. “WordPress,” he might have said with a dramatic flair, “isn’t just software. It’s a community. And if you’re benefiting from that community, you owe it to the people to contribute more than code. You owe them your soul.”
Or something like that. You get the idea.
Act 4: The Podcast Incident (or How Matt’s Nose Started Bleeding)
The WordPress vs. WP Engine battle was well underway when Matt Mullenweg appeared on a podcast to discuss the situation. You know, to set the record straight and give his side of the story. Because when there’s drama brewing, what better way to address it than through a good ol’ fashioned podcast rant?
Things were going smoothly – or as smoothly as they could in the middle of a tech turf war – until suddenly, Matt’s nose began to bleed. And we’re not talking a little trickle; this was full-on “someone get a towel” mode. It’s almost as if the pressure from the ongoing WP Engine drama finally caused him to burst… quite literally.
Now, if you’re Matt Mullenweg, you don’t just stop mid-podcast because of a little nosebleed. Oh no. You press on. Matt, ever the professional, dabbed at his face, tried to keep his voice steady, and carried on explaining how WP Engine wasn’t giving enough back to the WordPress community. But here’s where things took a turn for the dramatic.
As blood slowly dripped down his face, Matt reportedly muttered, “It’s like a cancer… a cancer to WordPress.” The podcast host, probably unsure whether to call 911 or pass Matt a tissue, just nodded along.[2]
And that’s when it hit. Not just the blood on his shirt, but the metaphorical cancer reference that would echo through the halls of WordPress history. WP Engine? A cancer? This was no longer just a disagreement about contributions; this was now a full-blown war of words (and nosebleeds).
There was, however, an awkward pause after the nosebleed incident. Listeners couldn’t help but wonder if there was something else at play—perhaps the high-stakes pressure, maybe something more personal, had caused that sudden burst of blood. Of course, one wouldn’t dare suggest any, shall we say, external influences.
From this moment forward, the feud was locked in, complete with metaphors that no one would ever forget – no matter how badly they wanted to.
Act 5: Matt Calls WP Engine a "Cancer to WordPress"
This brings us to the infamous statement Matt Mullenweg made: calling WP Engine a “cancer to WordPress.” Yes, you read that right. Cancer. Not a slight case of the flu, not a minor hiccup – but full-on, deadly cancer.[3]
Because, as we all know, when your mom confuses two tech companies and your nose starts bleeding on a podcast, the only reasonable course of action is to accuse one of those companies of being a malignant tumor.
Now, at this point, the WordPress community was divided. Some folks cheered Matt on, saying that companies like WP Engine, who rake in millions using the WordPress platform, should indeed be doing more. But others were, shall we say, less enthusiastic about the hyperbole. Sure, WP Engine might not be perfect, but calling them a cancer? Really?
Nevertheless, Matt’s crusade continued. He took to social media, conferences, and interviews, hammering the point home: WP Engine was no friend of WordPress. They were merely parasites, feeding off the open-source ecosystem without properly giving back.[4]
Act 6: The Trademark Tantrum
Now, if the story ended there, it would already be good. But it doesn’t, because what’s a good feud without some legal drama? The plot thickened when Automattic, Matt’s company, accused WP Engine of improperly using the “WordPress” trademark.
Apparently, some folks were finding it hard to distinguish between WordPress.com, WordPress.org, and WP Engine (shocking, I know). So Automattic, being the upstanding defender of the WordPress brand, decided to take action.[5]
A cease-and-desist letter landed on WP Engine’s desk. The message? Stop using the WordPress name in ways that might confuse people – like, say, Matt’s mom.
WP Engine, not exactly thrilled with being compared to a deadly disease and now facing legal threats, decided to fight back. They filed a lawsuit accusing Automattic of extortion. Apparently, Matt wasn’t content to just criticize WP Engine’s lack of contributions – he wanted them to pay substantial licensing fees for the WordPress trademark, or else face a “scorched earth nuclear approach.”
Nuclear. Approach. Because clearly, when your mom doesn’t understand the difference between two tech companies and your nose starts bleeding during an interview, it’s time to drop the bomb.[6]
Act 7: WordPress.org Strikes Back
But wait, there’s more! WordPress.org, under Matt’s leadership, took things up a notch by blocking WP Engine from accessing its servers. You know, because that’s a totally measured and reasonable response to trademark confusion.
This move disrupted WP Engine customers’ ability to install themes, plugins, and updates directly from WordPress.org. And let’s be real, if you’ve ever had to manually install a plugin, you know how annoying that can be.[7]
Matt’s rationale? WP Engine was benefiting from the WordPress ecosystem without paying its dues. And if they weren’t going to pay up, they weren’t going to play, either.
Meanwhile, WP Engine’s users were left scratching their heads. They didn’t care about Matt’s beef with WP Engine. They just wanted to update their plugins, for crying out loud.
Act 8: The Plugin Power Play
If you thought things couldn’t get any more ridiculous, think again. In a move that shocked the WordPress community, WordPress.org took control of WP Engine’s Advanced Custom Fields (ACF) plugin.
Why? Well, according to Matt, it was due to “security concerns” and the need to remove commercial upsells.
Act 9: The Fork Heard 'Round the Internet
As the legal battles dragged on and the WordPress community found itself embroiled in plugin wars, trademark disputes, and the occasional podcast-induced nosebleed, WP Engine decided to pull a move no one saw coming. If Automattic was going to throw a nuclear-level tantrum over the WordPress trademark, then WP Engine was going to do the unthinkable:
They forked WordPress.
That’s right, in a move worthy of tech rebellion folklore, WP Engine, tired of playing in Automattic’s backyard, took WordPress.org’s open-source codebase and forked it into a brand-new platform. The announcement sent shockwaves through the WordPress community. It wasn’t just a copy-paste job, though – oh no. WP Engine had something much bigger in mind.
Enter: WP Next.
WP Next wasn’t just another WordPress clone with a new name slapped on it. No, WP Engine had a trick up its sleeve that Automattic never anticipated. While WordPress.com had been pushing the controversial Gutenberg editor, with its clunky blocks and learning curve that could make a grown developer cry, WP Next was about to deliver the one thing users had been clamoring for: a theme builder and user interface that people actually wanted.
Act 10: WP Next – What Gutenberg Should Have Been
From the ashes of this tech feud rose the hero no one knew they needed: WP Next Theme Builder. WP Engine had secretly been working on the ultimate revenge – and, to be honest, maybe their best contribution to the WordPress ecosystem (and let's face it, that might’ve been the point). Instead of yet another clumsy page builder or an awkward half-hearted attempt at block editing, WP Engine delivered a UI that was sleek, intuitive, and, get this—responsive without giving developers nightmares.
Developers and casual users alike rejoiced. The interface was as smooth as a hot knife through butter. No more dragging endless Gutenberg blocks around and wondering if this was the day you’d snap your laptop in half. WP Next’s builder allowed users to fully customize themes with drag-and-drop ease, without any of the quirky restrictions and cryptic interface choices that Gutenberg had forced on everyone. It even had support for custom API endpoints and queries!
Imagine being able to build a site with actual WYSIWYG (What You See Is What You Get) functionality, rather than having to guess how things would look after fumbling around with Gutenberg blocks that seemed to move like a drunk toddler on ice skates. WP Next solved that problem, making it effortless for users to create and customize themes, layouts, and designs with pixel-perfect precision.
What Gutenberg had tried—and failed—to do was now being executed flawlessly by WP Next. It was a game-changer, and the community absolutely ate it up.
Act 11: The Community Revolts Against WordPress and Flocks to WP Next
The migration from WordPress to WP Next was swift and brutal. Developers who had spent years trying to hack around Gutenberg’s clunky block system now had an alternative that didn’t make them want to gouge their eyes out with a PHP manual. Bloggers, eCommerce site owners, and theme developers all began flocking to WP Next in droves, leaving Automattic and Gutenberg in the dust.
Even Matt Mullenweg’s mom switched to WP Next, finding the new UI far easier to understand (no more confusion between WordPress.com and WP Engine either – imagine that). As she baked her famous apple pies and blogged about the secret ingredient that makes them so special, she marveled at how simple it was to customize her theme without needing her son’s help.
Meanwhile, in the WordPress offices, Matt’s frustration was palpable. The Gutenberg dream, which had been pushed so heavily as the future of WordPress, was crumbling. His plans for WordPress world domination were being dismantled by none other than the same company he once called a “cancer” to WordPress.
Act 12: Matt’s Downfall and WP Next's Rise
As WP Next gained traction and cemented its place as a leading alternative to WordPress, things took an unexpected turn for Matt Mullenweg. Rumors swirled about Matt taking some time away to "refocus" and "recharge." The pressures of leading Automattic and navigating the WP Engine debacle had taken a toll, and sources close to him suggested that the stress—and perhaps a few other habits picked up along the way—were starting to show.
Shortly after, it was announced that Matt would be stepping down as CEO of Automattic to focus on his personal well-being. While the official statement mentioned "personal reflection," the whispers were hard to ignore. It wasn’t long before reports surfaced that Matt had checked into a wellness retreat—rehab, some said.
In his absence, Automattic scrambled to pick up the pieces. WP Next had become the go-to platform for developers and site owners alike, and Gutenberg's once-promised future was relegated to a cautionary tale of what happens when innovation is pushed without listening to your community.
As the WordPress world adjusted to this new reality, the future of WordPress seemed uncertain. Meanwhile, WP Next continued to grow, the theme builder and UI that wasn’t just the future WordPress needed, but the one it deserved.
And Matt? Well, while his rehab stay was cloaked in official terms like "personal growth," the truth was clear: WP Next had won, and Matt Mullenweg's reign at the top of the WordPress empire had come to an end.
References:
Drew is a seasoned DevOps Engineer with a rich background that spans multiple industries and technologies. With foundational training as a Nuclear Engineer in the US Navy, Drew brings a meticulous approach to operational efficiency and reliability. His expertise lies in cloud migration strategies, CI/CD automation, and Kubernetes orchestration. Known for a keen focus on facts and correctness, Drew is proficient in a range of programming languages including Bash and JavaScript. His diverse experiences, from serving in the military to working in the corporate world, have equipped him with a comprehensive worldview and a knack for creative problem-solving. Drew advocates for streamlined, fact-based approaches in both code and business, making him a reliable authority in the tech industry.